malvernmugadzikwa
Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a married woman aged 36 and my husband is of the same age. We are blessed with two beautiful kids.
We are both gainfully employed and have an apartment of our own. My husband holds a senior position at his workplace.
The grapevine is awash with allegations of sordid happenings at his workplace. I asked him several times if he was also part of these shenanigans but he said that was news to him.
To my surprise, I heard that two married women got into a nasty physical fight over him. I got the news from a reliable source who wants to remain anonymous. I asked my husband about it, and he admitted that there was a fight, but he said he was not involved. Please help me.
Should I speak to these women or let their husbands know the truth? I am hurt and broken.
Response
I am very well and thank you for reaching out to me. Your letter made my reading sad. In this day and age, it is wise to take care of yourself and avoid extramarital affairs. It is demeaning for your husband to be involved in some office romance considering his position at the company. Given his wayward behaviour, I am forced to ask if you ever went for premarital counselling.
You have no business engaging in talk with these women or even their husbands because you have no tangible evidence.
The grapevine is not a source to rely on because at times what you deem factual are half-truths or exaggerations. Do not get yourself into drama that will have ripple effects. There are too many people involved. The best option for you is to go for professional counselling. A professional will help get to the bottom of your marital issues. I would like to hear from you again. I wish you all the best.
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I feel defeated
Dear Amai, how are you? I am a married woman aged 39 and I have three daughters. I do not want to talk about my marriage because it is a bad union. I think we just keep trying to stay together for the sake of our children.
Our television set and fridge were seized. My husband had put these items down as collateral for an undisclosed loan that he took. I have no idea what he used the money for and how we are going to recover our property. I am desperate and do not know what to do.
Response
I am well and thank you for asking. By stating little about your marriage, you said a lot because I read between the lines. You both need to work on your communication because it is not good to continue just for the sake of the children. Children who are brought up under such conditions suffer a lot, even in adulthood. Your husband appears to be a very irresponsible person. I cannot say much about him as he is not the one who has written to me.
I advise you not to involve yourself directly with the people who took your property. It is dangerous and they may have you arrested.
Tell your husband that if he does not explain his actions, you will be left with no option but to approach law-enforcement agents and make a report about your seized possessions. I think it is safer that way and it will get him talking. I wish you all the best.
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Between the devil and the deep blue sea
Dear Amai, I am a young man aged 23. I am madly in love with a 20-year-old girl. I have a strong rural background, and my girlfriend is the exact opposite. I am getting a lot of negative comments from family and friends about how we are two different people. My girl goes around town attending parties and drinking.
I do not drink. I have never tasted alcohol because of my religious beliefs. She is very demanding; at times I am forced to borrow money to give her to make her happy.
My parents told me point-blank that they do not want her as their daughter-in-law. Please advise, I am confused.
Response
Greetings dear writer. Thank you for writing in. After you turn 18, you are considered a major. As it stands, I can only advise you, but the ultimate decision remains yours. They say birds of a feather flock together.
The circles she is finding herself in do not seem good. You know her better than most people.
As a couple, what kind of advice do you give each other? If the alcohol consumption bothers you, it will snowball if not addressed now. Furthermore, you do not buy happiness by giving someone money, especially if you must go out of your way and borrow.
You will end up in debt and that is not good at all. It seems you are stretching yourself thin and compromising a lot. If you love and really want to give it your all, go for premarital counselling. Try and unearth what your vision and future will look like with this woman. Are you two different people or can you become a single functional entity? I would be happy to hear from you again.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
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