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Melissa Chekwa
She was 23 when she told herself that she was done with relationships. She couldn’t take the “constant nagging” of being asked where she was, doing what, with who, when she was “supposed” to be home. Most of all she couldn’t take her heart being played all over again.
She said all she ever wanted was to have a not-so-perfect but great relationship. But no, it was too soon for her to hope.
Charity Ncube (not her real name) is one of the many ladies in Bulawayo that have resorted to being side chicks to married men because they feel they can’t stand committed relationships. Strange as it sounds, the trend has somehow become so normal to most ladies, it no longer scares them. They are the “other woman”.
“I don’t feel bad about dating a married man because I have always told myself that if he can come to me then it means his wife is lacking something which I possess and that makes me feel special in some way,” said Ncube.
As most would justify, Ncube explained that the other most amazing part of being his side chick was that everyone involved knew their place in the sense that no one was expected to adhere to loyalty and commitment to anyone.
“I get my time to be with friends and do what I want to do without limits because at the end I don’t report back to him.
“It’s also nice because I get to have someone that I can talk to and advise me and have fun with without any strings attached. I usually prefer someone a bit older than me so that I can harness insights from him,” Ncube said.
Only a few years ago, not only did society see this as a taboo but even the involved parties would have a hard time executing their affair. However, as time evolved, people started celebrating being side chicks by talking about it to whoever cared to listen and adopt. Some are still cushioned inside their cocoons as they would rather keep their affairs private. Online blogs like the Elite Daily jots 21 reasons why people should be side chicks and the one that seems to stand out the most is that being a side chick is an automatic ego boost.
“No man is going to risk cheating on his girlfriend/ wife with an ugly chick,” says the Elite Daily.
More so, as the norm is being slowly accepted and integrated into our daily lives, there are soapie operas like Scandal where a sassy diva, Olivia Pope, who possesses all the strong points of a career and an independent woman, is a side chick to the President of the United States of America. She is not apologetic for being a side chick but always holds her head high as she pursues her white collar career.
The constructive norm that most netizens have picked up from Pope’s character is not that they should leave married men but that they can be actually smart side chicks.
“Olivia Pope, giving side chicks hope one episode at a time,” so says the netizen community.
It doesn’t only stop there. Due to the criticism that they have received, most have found comfort, strengthening and telling each other that they are as important and would care less what society would have to say about them. They have created their own public spheres being most dominant on online platforms. Facebook has a page run by side chicks called the Side Chicks Association International with a followership of 11 124 and many more similar pages.
Some of their posts read: “Yaaas (yes) we pride in what we do; a real woman would sleep on the couch when her man’s side chick spends the night; a real woman will forgive you and accept your side chick and your new baby.”
However, it’s not all side chicks that pride themselves in being side chicks. Some would like to have their bread buttered on both sides. For Monalisa Dube (real name withheld), feeling like a queen all the time she was with her boyfriend was an everyday feeling that she always enjoyed.
“I loved the guy, he gave me allowances, took me out all the time, we had fun, we really connected and I really felt loved,” said Dube. That was until she found out that she wasn’t the only one. In fact she was the side chick.
“I didn’t know about the wife when we started dating, I found out about it later. He was so good at hiding it because I didn’t suspect a thing. He always gave me the attention that I needed as his ‘only’ girl,” said Dube.
She thought she could stick around as his side chick because she loved him that much. It was her inner voice that would constantly remind her what she needed to do. “It began feeling unusual all the time. I felt like I was second best to him. At times when I needed him the most he would be home with his family. Right there I couldn’t ignore that inner voice telling me to walk away and I did so,” said Dube.
An expert has attributed the growing trend of side chicks to economic, cultural and sexual factors. “There is a high correlation between the economic status of the country and the need for most unemployed people to have an income to sustain themselves. That is why they opt for older men because they know that their financial needs will be catered for.
“At the same time, these older men who display bits of inherited traits of polygamy from their cultural backgrounds gladly take in more women although they do it secretly. They opt for younger women as well because of their irresistible sexual desires from the new blood compared to the old they have spent years with,” said Dr Printah Nkala, head of the Psychological and Counselling Department of the Zimbabwe Open University.
Dr Nkala also added that there was a possibility that if the economy improved, young people might commit again to their age mates.
Online Reporter