Moffat Mungazi
Dear Tete Joyie:
I have been married for nearly a year, and my husband does not seem interested in me anymore.
I think he may be more interested in his work partner, a woman half his age.
I am now pregnant, and feel fat and ugly.
Is there any hope for our marriage?
Tete Joyie Says:
First, let me say this: you are dealing with a lot right now, and it is entirely valid to feel overwhelmed and vulnerable.
Your pregnancy is a significant and beautiful journey, but it can also be emotionally and physically demanding.
On top of that, feeling disconnected from your partner and questioning his interest is understandably painful.
Let us start with this: your feelings of insecurity and self-doubt are not a reflection of your worth.
You are bringing life into the world, and that alone makes you extraordinary.
Pregnancy changes your body, yes, but it also highlights your strength and resilience.
You are far from “fat and ugly.” You are glowing with the beauty of motherhood, even if it does not always feel that way.
As for your relationship, there is hope if you are both willing to work on it.
Communication is key.
Have you had an honest conversation with your husband about how you are feeling?
It is possible that he is unaware of the depth of your emotions or the impact his actions may have on you.
Sometimes, partners retreat emotionally without realising it, especially during big life transitions like pregnancy.
If you suspect that his work relationship is crossing boundaries, it is important to approach the subject delicately, but firmly.
Sharing your feelings without making accusations can open the door to a more honest discussion.
For example, you might say something like: “I have been feeling distant from you lately, and I miss the closeness we used to have. I would like us to work together to reconnect.”
Consider seeking support, whether it is through a trusted friend, family member, or a professional therapist.
Couples counselling can be an excellent way to rebuild trust and understanding if both of you are committed to making the marriage work.
Ultimately, the path forward depends on mutual effort and willingness to address the issues together.
You deserve a partner who sees your value, supports you, and cherishes the life you’re creating together.
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Scars that won’t heal
Dear Tete Joyie:
I grew up in a very toxic family where my dad used to beat us up for every small mistake.
Now I am older, and have my own family, but it seems I am failing to forgive my dad for the trauma that he put us through growing up.
Tete Joyie Says:
That is a heavy burden to carry, and it is understandable that forgiveness feels out of reach right now.
The pain you experienced growing up is valid, and it shaped you in ways that are hard to untangle.
Forgiveness is not about excusing what happened or pretending it did not hurt.
It is about finding a way to release the hold that pain has on you, for your own peace.
It might help to start by acknowledging the impact of your father’s actions on your life.
Writing down your feelings or talking to someone you trust can be a powerful way to process those emotions.
Therapy can also be a safe space to explore the trauma and work toward healing.
Forgiveness is a journey, not a destination.
It does not have to happen all at once, and it does not mean you have to reconcile with your father if that does not feel right for you.
It is okay to take small steps like focusing on your own growth and the family you have built.
You are breaking the cycle, and that is a huge accomplishment.
How do you feel about starting with self-compassion?
Being kind to yourself might make the path forward a little less daunting.
If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself in, WhatsApp 0716069196, and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember, all those who write in remain anonymous.
Online Reporter