Chronicle Editor
Yvonne Ncube, Showbiz Correspondent
Divorces are commonly messy and one or both spouses are likely to be resentful of the situation.
When a divorce is finalised, ex-spouses may feel relieved, if not overjoyed to be free of that chapter of their lives.
Some people may dismiss the idea of celebrating a divorce but in some cases, it can be a positive experience.
Divorce parties have grown in popularity in recent years and while some people think they are in bad taste, they can be liberating for people who have escaped unhappy, abusive or destructive relationships.
This can be enjoyable for some people, but it’s critical to distinguish between a liberating celebration to let off steam and a self-centred, cynical way to spite an ex-spouse.
If the divorce was messy, it can be incredibly liberating to finalise it so you can move on. Some people need the ritual of celebration after certain milestones for closure and a divorce party or some type of celebration may be acceptable in these situations.
While acknowledging that everyone has a different healing process after a traumatic, chaotic event such as a failed marriage, it is important not to judge their response to the situation.
Instead of a full-blown party that some may find in poor taste, you may want to simply treat yourself for a bit after your divorce. Take some time off work to go on vacation with friends or take a trip somewhere you always wanted to go.
You may want to simply buy yourself a few nice things you have always wanted to boost self-confidence and mood. However, if you decide to celebrate, keep it tasteful and recognise it as a sign to move on instead of just an excuse to throw yourself a party.
Friends and family may also feel the need to lighten the mood and as such a party is not such a bad idea as long as the intention is genuine.
Some ex-spouses do not want to divorce but their exes leave them with no alternative. When a divorce is inevitable and pushed by one of the spouses, the other is likely to have very strong feelings afterward, and a divorce party can help them move on in a fun and light-hearted way.
It is important to take their feelings into consideration. If he or she is taking the divorce too hard, throwing him or her a party may simply be salt in the wound.
Oddly enough, some divorced couples decide to throw parties together as a way to move on. This is common in mutually agreeable divorces when the ex-spouses want to remain friends. If the couple shared friends, a divorce party can sometimes take the awkwardness out of the situation to make everyone feel more at ease and eliminate the compulsion to “take sides.”
These mutual divorce celebrations are sometimes liberating for the rest of the family too. Older children who watched their parents fighting for years may feel relieved after the divorce.
A celebration like this can actually help a family come back together after a divorce and reduce the tension. It can also make co-parenting much easier.
Ultimately, the decision to throw a celebration for a divorce is an individual choice. If you feel the need to mark the occasion with a celebration or you simply feel like you deserve a chance to celebrate, a divorce party could be right for you.
That’s where divorce celebrations can be helpful, both in rewriting the narrative surrounding the end of one’s marriage as a positive one as well as providing an opportunity for friends and family to show support.
Diana Nleya (not her real name) said divorce parties could help the divorcees and urged communities to support the divorcees in the process of recovering.
“My ex-husband and I divorced five years ago after he cheated several times with the same woman. The first time I found out I forgave him and we moved on with life like nothing happened.
Months later I found out that he was still seeing the same woman. I confronted him and he told me that he loved her. From then on our relationship was never the same. I tried to endure the pain for a year for the sake of our two children but I finally decided that we should call it off and he also agreed.
“This was a relief for me because my mind was finally letting go of the “what ifs” every time he comes home late or goes for business trips. I could have celebrated publicly but no, I did it privately so that my children don’t hate me for leaving their father,” Nleya said.
She said divorce parties are good for the parties involved but society has a misconception about such behaviour.
“I feel like a divorce party could have been good for me because all I wanted was to scream and say I am free but the fear of what society would think of me after that kept me in a shell. I also feel like a divorce party could have been good for him as he was set free, he did not have to hide anymore. So, I think if society can adopt such traditions, it would be good for those recovering from traumatic experiences,” Nleya said.
Thabo Nkomo, a divorcee said society, family and friends should assist ex-couples to recover from the aftermath of divorce.
“I don’t know about her but I feel like I struggled to recover more than her. Basically, I believe that men tend to struggle more than women in the aftermath of divorce, perhaps in part because dated notions of masculinity tend to keep men from seeking the support of friends and family. I believe that society should make it their goal to check if they are doing well. Helping someone celebrate a recent divorce can be a supportive act that brings together a man’s community, creates a ritual to mark the end of something painful,” said Nkomo.
A local pastor said celebrating divorce is not Godly.
“Obviously, divorce is not something that God wants or pleases him; every divorce is a product of sin. If there was no sin in the marriage relationship, divorce would not be needed. God hates it because it always involves unfaithfulness to the solemn covenant of marriage that two partners have entered into before him. It also brings harmful consequences to those partners and their children.
“Divorce in the scripture is permitted only because of man’s sin. Since divorce is only a concession to man’s sin and is not part of God’s original plan for marriage, all believers should hate divorce as God does and pursue it only when there is no other recourse. With God’s help a marriage can survive the worst sins. So, I believe celebrating divorce is not Godly,” he said. – @SeehYvonne
Online Reporter