Chronicle EditorBongiwe Nkomazana on Gender
I think that because of how at my age I have heard it all when it comes to marriage talk despite the fact that I am not married, I consider myself fully aware or knowledgeable about the role a wife is expected to play and what is generally considered acceptable “makoti” criteria and eventually behaviour.
Christians are supposed to refer to the Bible to gain wisdom that helps them understand the day-to-day issues and the more tricky situations better. In these times that we live in where other cultures and millennial ideologies have infiltrated our local ways of doing things, the lines have become very blurry when it comes to traditional spousal roles. So being a Christian myself, I will write from my religion’s viewpoint and we will be looking broadly at what God says about the wife’s role in her marriage. I am just curious to see whether we have maintained His Word and how the future wives and current wives can be modern but still follow God’s instruction.
I mean we cannot talk about a wife without a husband and, of course, he too has a set of instructions in the Bible. I imagine that in a perfect world, if men followed word for word and women step by step what the Word says we would have perfect marriages. However, we are sinners and no matter how holier-than-thou we might pretend to be, we will fall short thus the Bible to refer to. Anyway, the most popular verses on this subject are verses 22 to 24 from the book of Ephesians Chapter 5 that read “Wives, submit yourselves unto your husbands, as unto the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church and is the saviour of the body. Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their husbands in everything”.
Now let us take a minute to recall the number of times this verse has been used to put a woman “in her place”. What is common among today’s Christians is to pick out only a few convenient words from the scripture that make it look like their particular belief is supported in the Bible. Yet, just like with every piece of literature, the context in which every word is used should be known. Submission is the action of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.
After reading this chapter my understanding of submitting to your husband shifted from just the plain meaning of the word. You see first of all our God is a simple God but He is also a loving God with plans to build us and not break us and I refuse to believe that He meant we should submit to anything that would bruise us emotionally, physically or spiritually.
I believe that His likening of a husband to Christ was the ultimate example because in a few words he embodied what it is that He wants to achieve for wives through submission. If a husband is like Christ to the church it means that he would sacrifice his life for his wife, he would protect his wife at all costs and would absolutely love her unconditionally.
When a husband has this type of love for his wife, his plans for her would never be to harm her or devastate her but his authority would be to basically direct his wife to happiness, security and peace. A husband cannot talk down his wife and hit her because she defied him. Christ would never do that to His church and so I believe it does not work like that.
My favourite chapter that addresses wives’ submission is 1st Peter 3 from the first verse right up to the last. Verse one goes straight into why women should submit to their husbands. Not to feed into their ego, not to make them feel like kings nor to make them feel superior but to win them over to the gospel with no words but by actions when they see their wives’ reverend and pure behaviour.
Many a time women are just told to obey a man just because he is the head of the house and as soon as a man has hiccups and fails to meet the expectations of the head, the wives stop respecting or obeying them. In worse situations, you find women living through the worst circumstances like physical torture in the name of obedience. However, if the true essence of the reason behind God instructing us to submit, which is to be stewards of the Word is let known to wives, it would be easier for them to constantly maintain gentleness and respect towards their husbands especially through trying times. To know that they are told to submit for reasons that are not superficial but that come from a selfless place of love would change women’s perspectives. Actually, God is telling them to lead their husbands by example.
I know some may think that this is weird coming from a feminist but men are in fact God appointed leaders of the home but like I said everything has a context and so does my feminism. In fact, I am my own type of feminist and I choose to believe that if a man is the formal leader of the household that does not stop a woman from being a productive and influential partner and supporter to her man.
I am that type of feminist whom although she can buy herself her own bread, appreciates her husband’s willingness and efforts to provide it for her. Call it double standards if you want to but I honestly feel like we can all be empowered in the different roles that God has given us and that we choose to execute.
Maybe the reason why most present day marriages have failed is because the wives are battling to be in charge of the home. Are they failing because modern wives are proud and stubborn and refuse to take instructions from a man? Are we becoming more and more like Eve who went against Adam’s authority when he refused to eat the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil? I am given limited space for this column but I hope that this is a conversation we can have within our circles. Not only is it interesting to talk about, but it might force some of you to finally read your Bibles. You can thank me later.
Submission takes a lot of strength and humility and fortunately does not take away your value. Jesus submitted to God endlessly but this did not mean that
He was anything less than His Father. They were one.
Similarly with marriage, husband and wife are partners but due to reasons best known to God, wives are instructed to submit and because God is a fair God,
He also instructs husbands to reciprocate the submission with a submission tailored to the wives’ needs. But that is a story for next week.
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