Tinaye Agere
DEALING with tradespeople is one cup of tea I do not enjoy and would rather let someone take it on my behalf, even for a fee.
In this category are motor mechanics, builders, plumbers, carpenters and self-styled technicians.
These people, especially those who operate as self-actors and a few others with briefcase companies, behave as if they were born of the same mother.
No matter how well you pay them, they always try every trick in the book to wring more cash out of you.
“Muvheti”, “Murungu”, “Njonda” and “Biggaz”, they will call you in your presence.
However, the moment you turn your back, they will do as they please, making sure they keep to themselves as much money as possible from what they would have charged you for material.
The moment you pay a tradesperson before he completes his task, it may be the last time you see him, as he will, from then on, be attending “funerals”.
Some builders accept jobs from lots of people at once, resulting in them failing to meet construction schedules for their clients.
This is when they start selling people bottled smoke to cover up their misdeeds. Unonyeperwa ukafa!
“I am sorry, my brother, I could not make it to your project last weekend. I lost a blood sister so there was nowhere I could have missed the funeral.
“ I will make amends but if you have an extra US$100 you can send to me so that I can pay for transport for my troops,” the blokes will tell you.
Others will purr: “Sorry, good brother.
“ I discovered that the money I charged was too little to cover the costs of replacing components of your gearbox. I wish you could be around to see just how bad the state of the car is in and I am sure we would sing from the same hymn.”
Getting your car repaired or house built in your absence can be a recipe for disaster.
The blokes will help themselves to the cement and other accessories and ensure they use as little as possible to line their pockets.
It is not, gentle reader, a one size fits all affair but a good number of tradespeople are like that.
“They are just untrustworthy in block letters.
It can be worse if you have a daughter, a sister or a wife nearby. They will try their luck, and if they succeed, they leave you with a bleeding soul.
“I do not want any tradesperson near my house in my absence. One guy came around to repair my fridge and ended up impregnating my daughter. I used to suspect the frequency of his visits until the cat finally came out of the bag on its own,” I heard a certain bloke saying at the bar recently.
Another guzzler known as Tembo has his own axe to grind against a mechanic who was repairing his car.
“I am now a pedestrian because of the shenanigans of a mechanic I had hired to repair my vehicle during the Easter holidays. He took my car for a test drive in his rural areas and only emerged after four days to tell me that he had hit cows on the way and the vehicle was a write-off.
“I am pained, but the bloke is so poor that I do not think he can afford the cost of replacing it or even repairs. Murume akandirwadzisa iyeye,” Tembo said.
Some plumbers are now hated for funnelling into the ears of neighbours news on what would have blocked the toilets at some homes and this puts people between a rock and a hard place in deciding whether or not to hire them.
Gentle reader, we all need tradespeople to perform specialised tasks for us, but the way some of them behave is just too ghastly to contemplate.
Inotambika mughetto.
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