Online Reporter
Eish bafethu, love is sweet but people are chaotic. One minute it is wedding songs, the next it is blackmail, disrespect and deliverance by force. Sit down, loosen your heart and listen. Today’s letters prove one thing. When love goes wrong, it does not whisper. It shouts.
WHEN SHADOWS
START TALKING
Dear Bra Binzy
Eish, let me not beat around the bush. I have cheated on my husband many times since we got married more than 20 years ago. I honestly think I am a serial cheat. People have told him about my side romances over the years but he has always believed my version.
Now the problem. Our gardener has irrefutable evidence that I am sleeping with our pastor. Proper evidence. Messages, pictures, the works. He is now demanding sex to keep quiet. This gardener is a rough, unpolished man with a lingering sweaty smell. I cannot imagine myself touching him.
Bra Binzy, you are streetwise. Please help me get out of this mess.
Nauseated, Harare
Bra Binzy responds
Sisi, sisi, haa. When chickens come home to roost they do not knock first. They arrive flapping, noisy and shameless.
Let us be clear. What the gardener is doing is blackmail and sexual coercion. That thing is criminal. Very criminal. No amount of holy water from the pastor will wash that fact away. You do not owe that man your body, your time or your dignity.
But let us also not lie to each other. You have been playing emotional chess with people’s lives for years and now one pawn has stood up and said “enough”. This is the danger of mixing sin, secrets and power dynamics. Someone always wants a cut.
Here is your exit route. Stop engaging the gardener immediately. No negotiations, no flirting, no promises. Preserve the evidence he claims to have by not provoking him to add more. Quietly consult a lawyer or the police. Extortion is extortion whether it is done with a knife or with a phone.
As for the pastor, that relationship must end yesterday. Church affairs have a way of exploding like a loud speaker at a funeral. Lastly, decide what kind of woman you want to be before the world decides for you. Because right now, your secrets are tired of carrying you.
THE MAN WHO
LOST HIS VOICE
Dear Bra Binzy
I lost my high paying job during the Covid era. Since then, life has never been the same. My wife works at a supermarket and now pays all the bills.
When I had my job, she was loving, respectful and supportive. Now she has turned into a monster. She belittles me at family gatherings and never misses a chance to remind me she pays for everything.
The job market has shut me out completely. My applications are not being answered. I am so frustrated and humiliated that I am thinking of leaving her and our three kids to start afresh in South Africa.
This woman feels like a shrew of the worst kind. Has she always been like this or am I seeing her clearly now? Help me end this marriage. Where do I start?
Anonymous, Harare
Bra Binzy responds
Mfowethu, when money leaves the house it exposes the cracks in the walls. You are not just unemployed. You are wounded in your pride, your identity and your sense of purpose. That pain is real.
But hear me well. Running away to South Africa will not turn you into a hero. It will turn you into a ghost father with WhatsApp promises and unfinished responsibilities. Your children did not fire you from your job.
Your wife’s behaviour is ugly, yes. Disrespect is poison in a marriage. But ask yourself this. Are you only quiet and withdrawn, or are you actively fighting to rebuild yourself? Women get cruel when they feel abandoned emotionally, even if the man is still sleeping in the same bed.
Start by regaining your voice. Set boundaries. Calmly tell her that public humiliation is unacceptable. Seek counselling if she agrees. If she refuses, document everything. Not for revenge, but for clarity.
Leaving a marriage is not step one. It is step ten. Right now, your job is to rebuild your dignity, not to disappear. A man who walks away from storms never learns how to fix roofs.
DELIVERANCE
ON DEMAND
Dear Bra Binzy
I am dating a woman who is obsessed with spiritual cleansing. Every small argument ends with her saying I have demons. She goes through my phone every night claiming she is “checking spirits”.
Last week, she demanded that I accompany her to an all-night prayer so our relationship can be delivered. I am not cheating, I am not abusive, I am just tired. If I refuse, she says I am hiding something.
Is this love or madness? How do I exit without being labelled a demon myself?
Confused, Norton
Bra Binzy responds
Ah mfana, when love turns into an exorcism, run before holy water finishes.
Spirituality is not a licence to invade privacy, control behaviour or bully someone into obedience.
Checking your phone is not prophecy. It is insecurity dressed in religious language.
Here is the test. Suggest normal communication, trust and boundaries. If she rejects all three and insists only prayer camps can fix everything, then you are not a boyfriend. You are a project.
End it respectfully but firmly. Do not argue about demons. Argue about consent, privacy and peace. Love should calm your spirit, not keep you on spiritual probation.
Bra Binzy says relationships are not deliverance sessions. If you need constant cleansing to stay together, something is already rotten.
FINAL WORD
FROM BRA BINZY
Till next time, keep your hearts clean, your boundaries firm and your excuses short.
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