Vusumuzi Dube
1. ‘My Babe eats my takeaways without asking!’
Dear Bra Binzy,
My girlfriend has developed a habit of finishing my takeaway food without asking. She says what’s mine is hers, but bro, I once came home dreaming about my chicken wings only to find empty bones in the bin. Is this love or war?
– Hungry and Hurt, Cowdray Park
Bra Binzy says:
Kanti are you dating a girlfriend or a Gweru hyena? My guy, food is sacred. Sit her down and set clear boundaries. If she wants chicken, she must order hers. Love does not mean sharing chips without consent. Start labelling your food — or worse, start ordering two meals. One for you. One for Queen Kong.
2. ‘She called me by her ex’s name . . . twice!’
Dear Bra Binzy,
My new girlfriend keeps calling me by her ex’s name. First time I forgave her. Second time was during… action stations. I stopped mid-stroke. What should I do?
– Mr Oops, Magwegwe
Bra Binzy says:
Eish. That’s emotional identity theft, mfethu. Mid-stroke? That’s spiritual danger. Look, maybe she’s not fully healed. Give her time — or give her space. If you’re just a rebound with a fresh face, your name will always be Mthokozisi 2.0 in her brain. You deserve better than being a stunt double for her broken heart.
3. ‘I think my boyfriend is dating me for WiFi’
Dear Bra Binzy,
Ever since I installed unlimited WiFi, my boyfriend is suddenly always around. He barely talks to me but streams
football, YouTube, and downloads movies like he’s a data warlord. I feel like a human hotspot. Am I paranoid or being used?
– Data-Drained Diva, Pumula South
Bra Binzy says:
Girl, you’re not a girlfriend. You’re Wi-Fi Fibre! If his love only logs in when the WiFi is strong, switch off the router and watch him vanish like a ghost on end-of-month bundles. Love should connect — but not only via 5GHz. Test him with airplane mode love. See who stays.
4. ‘He only texts after midnight!’
Dear Bra Binzy,
My man never checks on me during the day. But once it’s midnight, boom, “U up?” messages come flying. He says he’s busy but I feel like a night-shift side chick. Am I wrong?
– Late-Night Lover, Nkulumane
Bra Binzy says:
Aowa sisi, that’s not a boyfriend. That’s a werewolf. If his love only appears when the owls are awake, just know you are being serviced like a nocturnal generator. Daylight love is real love. Midnight marauders belong in ghost mode. Block and bless yourself.
Want Bra Binzy to help solve your messy umjolo saga? Email: [email protected], or WhatsApp us on 0776201133 with the hashtag #DearBraBinzy
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Online Reporter