adminAnne Ruthenburg Marriage Doctor
HELLO there readers, I hope you had a great long weekend, I certainly did. This week I will be addressing concerns raised by single ladies because I get many correspondences from them seeking advice on choosing a right guy or when is the right time to get married. Don’t worry ladies we all go through these questions before we get married. When we are married we have a new set of questions like…’did I marry the right man’? Kikiki (jokes). Seriously though, no one has the right answers, each individual must walk their own path, but there are some common things that we know if taken into account will ensure some form of success.
Every woman looks forward to finding a man whom they think can give them a life time of security. They dream of the perfect man, what car he should drive, how much money he needs to have and so forth. There are very few ladies who say: “I do not mind marrying a poor man with no vision and nothing.” The reality of life is that as women, we attract what we want or should I say what we get. I know many of you will disagree. But think about it ladies. How did you get the man you got? The key to remember for a relationship to survive long is there is need to be a fair exchange from both sides most of the time (not all the time, but most). So as single women, let us see what you have to give to the man in exchange for what you need him to give you.
Money
So you want a man who has money now, rather than a man you can partner with and built wealth together – why? What do you have in the bank? Oh by the way do you have a bank account? Because girl the day he has no money, you are going to get crazy on him and sooner rather than later his going to take his money to another babe. Then what are you going to do with your broke self? Stop looking for a man who has money before you make your own. Make sure you have money in your purse so that when he is acting stupid, you can call a taxi and leave girl. How many women do you know whose men got tired of them and left them with kids and nothing to survive on? Too many, right. Don’t be a statistic, use your brain not your body!
Education
Every woman wants a man with a brain right? Wrong! Men unlike women seem to have two ways of surviving – their intellect or their skills. Some of the most successful men were “dumb dumbs” in school, but they were great with their hands or other things and are so successful now. You my dear as a woman may not have that luxury. You need to be educated somehow, somewhere before you get married. A woman will drop out of school, but will have to pay a high price to get somewhere in life and sometimes the price is too high. It is a mistake as a woman to put a ring on your finger without a certificate to your name seriously. Listen to me dear, do not be fooled that after the marriage you will go back to school. Very few women manage to do that until they are much, much older and then it is harder. Once the ring in on the finger, you need to step into your new role as a wife, then before you know it your next role of being a mother comes round and so on. Better to get your basic education over and done with and then you can build on it later in life. Think about it. If something happens during your marriage where he can no longer support you, how are you going to make money ? By getting a job – with which certificate?
Clothes, Hair, Shoes and Restaurants
So you want a man who can buy you all the clothes and shoes in the world, a man who can take you to all the restaurants and famous hotels and so forth. And what outfits have you bought yourself? Or is daddy and mommy buying all your clothes and shoes still ha? Just a question! Well, my girl, maybe you need to go out and pay for a few outfits and shoes to go and hair to match with your own money. Dress yourself, know what you are worth, know your style, your shape, your likes and like not because let me tell you dear, he who pays rules! When your man comes, he needs to know that you know you and that you know what you cost, because you can afford to maintain you. Then when he comes, he needs to be able to top that or at least be working towards topping that, with your help of course. I feel sorry for some guys because they inherit a woman who has never known the true cost of a dollar. They move from daddy’s money to boyfriends’ money. They have no idea what things cost and when they do not get it they sulk the earth away. Ladies, if this is you, do not ask me what went wrong when your man starts cheating on you with a less demanding woman. Don’t get me wrong. I too love to look good, but I do not put the pressure on my man. I buy what I want, when I want, at whatever cost I want (no sulking, no accusations, not an issue). When he does buy me stuff or gives me money to buy stuff, of course I appreciate it because he knows my standard. He makes an effort and he buys quality or gives me money for quality. So how many men can claim the outfits you are wearing my single friend – I hope not many! My point is, if you can’t afford to even buy yourself a $3.50 Chicken Inn special; if any dude brings that to you; you will think he has lots of money and that he can take care of you. So you will probably exchange his chicken Inn with your virginity. So every time he needs sex, he brings Chicken Inn or Pizza – is this a fair exchange?
Learn to look after yourself as a single person first before you demand it from someone else. Okay enough from me for now, just a little thing or two for single women to think about. Men it’s you next week so stop laughing! Kikiki.
◆ Marriage Doctor can be emailed on [email protected] or messaged on Cell 0733285730
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