adminI made the point that whilst names like Dynamos, Zimbabwe Saints and Highlanders are proper football names, which have stood the test of time, some of today’s teams have been lumbered with identity labels that smack of flipping a dictionary open to a random page.
Today, I have another bee in my bonnet and it concerns players’ nicknames.
Footballers have had nicknames since time immemorial, and some people even claim that a great nickname can hide a lack of sporting ability.
Point being, a nickname can add to a player’s mystique.
Fans have always nicknamed their favourite stars as an honour and as a way to acknowledge their connection with them.
Consequently, some players are remembered for their nicknames as much as for their accomplishments on the pitch.
Some players love having one while others really can’t stand theirs.
The best nicknames aren’t just catchy and memorable; they also tell a story and can last a life-time.
Many times they are coined by journalists but some of them originate in the dressing room, invented by players and coaches.
Whatever their origin, these alternate identity labels are often witty, hilarious or simply bizarre.
In Asia, they say that a footballer cannot claim to have made it unless he has been given a nickname.
Here in England, Manchester City’s Sergio Aguero (Kun) and Manchester United forward Javier Hernandez (Chicharito) are just two examples of players who have chosen their nicknames over the regular tradition of surnames on their shirts.
As for Brazilian players, they often pick up nicknames as children, and they stick for life. A Brazilian footballer without a nickname is about as common as hen’s teeth!
In Zimbabwe, there was a time when football was awash with colourful nicknames that either made you laugh or just shake your head in amazement.
The 1970s, ‘80s and ‘90s showcased not only some of the country’s finest footballers but also some truly amazing nicknames.
If you were talking about football and you mentioned certain nicknames, you didn’t need to say anything else.
People immediately knew who you were talking about.
Back then if prizes were given out for nicknames alone, surely the likes of George ‘TNT’ Rollo would have won major honours.
TNT stands for trinitrotoluene, a chemical compound used as an explosive material.
The nickname was a tribute to Rollo’s ability to suddenly explode shots from anywhere inside the box.
His nickname was one of the most apt, neatly capturing an explosive shooting prowess that made him an Arcadia United superstar.
If anyone ever lived up to his nickname, it was Rollo.
For the coolest-sounding nickname, however, look no further than Dynamos legend George Shaya, the finest ever Zimbabwean footballer in my view.
He was dubbed ‘Mastermind’, a nickname that perfectly described his brilliance with a football at his feet.
As the dictionary defines mastermind as “a person of outstanding intellect”, I’m convinced that if a scientist with plenty of time on his hands ever goes into the lab to try and construct the perfect number 7, Shaya might well be the result.
He was truly blessed with a great football brain, and nickname to match.
Another classic nickname belongs to Moses Chunga, also a Dynamos hero from yesteryear.
I know, he hardly goes by this nickname anymore, but there was a time when Chunga was simply the ‘Razorman’.
Forget all this ‘Bambo’ stuff you hear these days; in his heyday Chunga was a razor-sharp forward with a penchant for tormenting defenders and putting goalkeepers to shame.
You have to be pretty sharp to earn the nickname ‘Razorman’.
Chunga was.
Those of us of a certain age will remember the time when nicknames were so common that a player would often be referred to by his nickname rather than the name on his birth certificate.
Who can ever forget the ‘Headmaster’?
If you ever saw the late CAPS United midfield maestro Joel Shambo in action, you would understand why he earned this nickname.
As for his team-mate Friday Phiri, he simply demolished anything that stood in his way. His imposing frame and swashbuckling made him so unstoppable that the CAPS United faithful called him the ‘Breakdown’.
Another storied nickname was claimed by Peter ‘Thunderboots’ Nyama, a man famed for his thunderous shots.
When you hear a nickname like that, you don’t have to ask why or how he got it!
But creative nicknames are a dying phenomenon; there simply aren’t all that many worthy of note in today’s Premier Soccer League.
Many players will fade into oblivion without a nickname and that should make all football fans hang their heads in collective shame.
People nowadays prefer to stick the name of a famous football superstar like Messi or Ronaldo on to a local player and call it a nickname.
This suggests laziness on the terraces and in the dressing rooms and should be discouraged. It’s perfectly understandable for a 10-year-old boy to call himself ‘Pele’ or ‘Maradona’ as a way of impressing his mates, but I’m not sure top PSL players should be doing the same thing!
What makes nicknames an integral part of the football lexicon is the fact that they are mostly inspired by everything from talent to physical appearance, and personality.
Not only do the great ones stick and become part of a player’s identity, but they also play a role in distinguishing and at times deifying footballers.
I’m not trying to make a scientific claim about the psychology of nicknames, but I suspect if there was an Africa Cup of Nations for nicknames, our current lack on innovation means we would struggle to qualify just like we do for the real thing.
I’m, therefore, urging all genuine football fans to get their creative juices flowing again, and come up with nicknames we can all be proud of.
My Best XI nicknames:
George ‘Mastermind’ Shaya
Oliver ‘Flying Saucer’ Kateya
Peter ‘Thunderboots’ Nyama
Benedict ‘Grinder’ Moyo
George ‘TNT’ Rollo
Japhet ‘Short Cat’ M’parutsa
Joel ‘Headmaster’ Shambo
Friday ‘Breakdown’ Phiri
Ephraim ‘Rock of Gibraltar’ Chawanda
Edson ‘Sugar’ Muguyo
Shacky ‘Mr Goals’ Tauro
Farayi Mungazi works for the BBC World Service in London
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