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Fadzayi Maposah Correspondent
Life is lived forwards, but best understood backwards.
One thing about life is that you cannot press a pause button, take it all, while everything is at a stand-still.
Life keeps going.
I read somewhere that life can be summed in three words: It goes on!
Despite what one is going through, life just goes on. Time waits for no one.
It is only when one looks back that they realise that situations could have been easier or more difficult depending on the choices that they made.
When some things happen because one is in the middle of them, one may lack the clarity to make the best decision. In retrospect it is much clearer.
That said, it is important to realise that given the circumstances and the skills that one has, it was in most cases the best decision that one could have made.
There is no need to continue to beat yourself up.
Add to that, the fact that it is all in the past, one cannot really change the past.
One has to start living in the present with best plans for the future.
I have attended many bridal showers.
They are in most cases lovely events that are filled with a positive vibe, love and happy emotions. I have been to some though that left me with many questions.
Bridal showers nowadays are highly themed. One does not just dress as they please. There is guidance in terms of how to dress and the colours. There is no do as you please.
Even if one has a dress that they are itching to wear they just cannot turn up at a themed bridal shower in that outfit.
As a way of fundraising there are fines for going against the set theme and rules.
Dress wrongly one pays a fine, turn up with no present, fine and when one buys plastic, she pays a fine.
One can pay a fine for failing to participate in activities. The organisers have people who are responsible for “fishing” out offenders and ensuring that they have been fined and paid up.
Then there are the presentations.
There are gifted orators, people blessed with the gift of speech.
A long time ago, the speakers at bridal showers would be females. Now there are some males who have now broken the terrain, a new normal.
Some bridal showers are long. They start mid-morning and may end in the evening. Some even have an after party after the bridal shower, an excuse to have a good time!
I just want to talk about the presentations. Some opt to get an all-rounder who is the main speaker touching on different topics.
Others opt to get maybe at most three facilitators to touch on various topics. Others at the end of the presentations have a free for all where anyone who has something to say can share. Highly risky, given that human beings are complex.
One may never be sure what the bride will be told in the presence of esteemed guests!
Whatever format the bridal shower takes, there is not much time.
How people expect the bride to take in loads of information at once and actually remember is beyond me.
At one bridal shower the young woman was told that it is her duty to ensure that her husband is well dressed by ensuring that she does the laundry and irons the clothes properly.
I think the bride should be empowered to be a good home maker.
Does a great speaker to talk to her for at most an hour empowers her to be one?
Come to think of it, the speaker could probably be seeing this bride for the first time.
The speaker could have been given a brief to enable him or her to tailor-make the presentation to suit the occasion.
Besides that, in most instances the two are not close or do not know each other personally.
Second point some of these things that are made highly theoretical should be practical lessons. Bridal showers are held close to the wedding day.
Just before the wedding the bride and her husband to be are pre-occupied with other things besides the practical lessons of home making.
What with the meetings with the florist, photographer, the decor artist , the caterer, who really has time to learn how to iron a pair of trousers or fold socks?
So am I saying that such presentations are unnecessary at bridal showers? No!
These presentations should be reminders of what was done a long time ago.
If it is the first time that the young woman is hearing the presentation, it could be a bit too late and the emotions and the pressure that she is under can affect her comprehension.
I thought about the importance of making time for life`s practical lessons rather than wait for a crush programme when a mother was very close to tears as she told me that her daughter had told her that two of her friends had started menstruating.
When I asked her why she was crying about a very normal process, she said that she had realised that she did not have time.
“Time for what? ,” I asked.
“Time to prepare her,” she said.
I looked at her surprised. I did not verbalise that she had had almost 14 years to prepare. She said I was mean.
Tough love, I told her and then encouraged her to start immediately.
She did not want to, had a number of excuses that included not knowing how to start, embarrassment, lack of information.
I told her that I would not allow her to run away from her responsibility.
She would simply start with what she felt comfortable with and then see how it goes.
Theory and then the practical. As I write I am waiting for feedback. I shall make a follow up.
I will not allow someone I know to have a crush programme when there is time to get work done.
Online Reporter