Online Reporter
Laina Makuzha
LOVE by DESIGN
HERE’S hoping you had relaxing Heroes and Defence Forces’ holidays earlier this week.
I had a beautiful break and am excited to be back sharing some love by design.
This week we are exploring the importance of due diligence in matters of the heart, inspired by a simple but striking quote I stumbled upon recently which said: “Your partner is a reflection of you — invest wisely.”
This statement calls us to look beyond romance’s warm glow and ask harder questions about our judgment, values and legacy.
And if you have ever loved, lost, or lingered in the limbo of indecision, you know how deeply this hits.
We often speak of love as a feeling, an exciting spark, a chemistry. And when the spark comes, rarely do we stop to think of it as a choice that demands discernment. Yet, choosing a partner is one of the most consequential decisions we make — not just emotionally, but spiritually, socially and even reputationally.
Who we choose to walk with reflects not only our desires but our judgment, our values, and sometimes, our blind spots. And as blind spots go, I can relate!
Some feel we are not reflected in our partners. But think about it. Can we truly say we have nothing to do with who our partner is or what they do? If we choose someone whose character is questionable, whose values clash with ours, or whose lifestyle unsettles us — what does that say about our own compass?
Of course, people are autonomous. Their choices are definitely their own. But when we tether ourselves to someone, especially in marriage, their actions ripple into our lives. Their reputation can become our reputation. Their chaos, our burden. Their brilliance, our pride.
So yes, due diligence matters. Not just in business deals or job hires — but in love. Because love, too, is an investment. And unlike stocks, you can not then just sell off shares when the market dips.
If truth be told, attraction can be deceptive. Kazhinji kacho charm can mask character. Chemistry can cloud clarity. And in the early stages of romance, we often see what we want to see,yet love that lasts is built not on illusion, but on insight.
This is where due diligence comes in — not as a cold checklist, but as a warm, wise discernment.
Ask yourself:
- What values does this person live by?
- How do they treat others when no one is watching?
- Do their habits align with the life I envision?
- Are they growing?
A tale of two worlds: Chipo & Tonderayi (not their real names)
Consider this real life scenario. It is the beautiful Heroes and Defence Forces long weekend of August 12th in Zim, and Joe Thomas — the legendary R&B crooner behind ‘Love Scene’ & ‘No one Else Comes Close’ — is performing in Harare. Chipo, a vibrant woman who loves travel, movies, and sports such as basketball, tennis and rugby sends a video clip of Joe Thomas expressing excitement about being in Zimbabwe, to Tonderayi, a man she has been getting to know.
Tonderayi responds with a blank: “Who’s that?” Turns out he has never heard of Joe Thomas, which shocks Chipo as they are contemporaries.
Tonderayi is passionate about soccer, thrives at tshisa nyama hangouts, and enjoys the bustle of public spaces and the great local vibe.
Chipo on the other hand, a faith centred individual with a taste for curated outdoor experiences, does not enjoy soccer in the least bit and prefers more intimate, reflective environments.
She would love to attend the Joe Thomas show.
Tonderayi stays near the venue where Joe Thomas is performing, and says, “I don’t need to even go to such when I can hear everything from my house!” Chipo finds that unromantic and a red flag of someone ungenerous, or miserly. But perhaps Tonderayi is just frugal?
Their interests, faith expressions, music tastes, leisure pursuits and social rhythms are at a tangent. Some say opposites attract; others insist ‘birds of a feather flock together’. So which rings true? Chipo is already ruling Tonderayi out as a suitor, saying she can already see they are a ‘total mismatch’.
Could she be right? Is that a wise insightful decision or too hasty? Is love enough to bridge their divergent worlds? Can the two build something meaningful despite their differences? Or would they be setting themselves up for a lifetime of compromise, misalignment — the type that leads to eventual resentment and conflict?
I leave that to you, dear reader.
For those still choosing or considering dating, here are a few considerations to guide your heart and head zvese:
- Shared values over shared hobbies: In my view, you do not necessarily need to love the same music or sports, but you do need to agree on what matters most — such as integrity, faith, family, purpose.
- Lifestyle compatibility: Can your rhythms coexist? If one loves quiet weekends and the other is extroverted and thrives in noisy crowds, will resentment brew kumberi or is chemistry enough?
And by the way, wild hobbies are not necessarily a red flag. But if they clash with your values or make you uncomfortable, do not ignore that inner nudge. Address it.
- Growth: Are you both evolving?
- A stagnant partner can weigh down a growing soul. Fact.
- Emotional maturity: Can this attractive, seemingly amazing individual handle conflict, communicate clearly, and honour your boundaries? What if you have already chosen ‘poorly’? If you are reading this, dating and thinking, “I’ve already picked wrong,” take heart! All is not lost.
Do get in touch and I will gladly share thoughts on how you could level the playing field.
I would love to hear your views and experiences. Have you ever chosen a partner who reflected your best — or exposed your blind spots? What did you learn and do?
Whatsapp/SMS: +263719102572Email: [email protected]
