dyton mupawaenda
Laina Makuzha-LOVE by DESIGN
In some of the feedback I receive, and just observations, I’m seeing a pattern where some individuals seeking love and happiness in relationships, seem stuck somewhere and they can’t seem to put their finger on why relationships are not working for them.
A hurdle that I’ve seen jeopardising many perfectly good relationships is insecurity and it’s cousin “self-sabotage”.
These can be such detrimental emotional states, with untold damage on romantic relationships.
Often, individuals, especially single women, pass up on good potential partners out of — sometimes — misplaced paranoia, cynicism, or some sort of “guilt”.
They find it difficult to trust that a good relationship is possible, or that someone probably has genuine love for them. But who can blame them, in a world so full of deception? So you find that a fine, well meaning gentleman (yes they do exist!) might be brushed off as being too good to be true, in favour of a more difficult relationship which has a lot of strife.
There seems to be a tendency in some seekers of love, to mistakenly believe that difficult relationships will yield more rewarding outcomes, only to find themselves in a pattern of unsuccessful partnerships nonetheless. If you can relate to this I would love to hear from you, just what your experience has been and if you can actually see a pattern.
It is not uncommon, or baseless for mature individuals, particularly women, to develop a sense of doubt and scepticism when it comes to potential partners, and understandably so.
Life experiences, past relationships, or societal pressure can contribute to a distorted perception of what constitutes a healthy and fulfilling romantic connection. Unfortunately, this often leads individuals to avoid promising relationships out of fear that they may experience the same disappointment and heartache as before.
This belief that difficult relationships are more rewarding, can hinder one’s ability to recognise and pursue relationships that have the potential to bring genuine happiness. Men too, can experience these challenges of being negative and suspicious of potential partners.
And the result is that some really wonderful single folks of either gender, end up stuck in a pool of fear, negativity, insecurity and may not even realise that they are self-sabotaging and pushing good potential partners away.
Insecurity can manifest in different ways, such as self-doubt, fear of vulnerability, or a constant need for reassurance.
If you have dated someone like that or are married to one, you know how exhausting that can be. In my study of relationships, I’ve learnt that such underlying self-esteem issues often drive individuals to seek out relationships with partners who reinforce their negative perception of themselves.
They may unconsciously choose partners who exhibit behaviours such as emotional unavailability, unhealthy dependency, or even abusive tendencies. Such relationships confirm their deepest insecurities and perpetuate the belief that they are undeserving of a healthy and loving partnership.
Dear friend, if you suffer such fear of happiness, please know this: You deserve love, you deserve happiness, and it is very possible. It’s happening for others and it can and will happen for you, if you allow yourself. Let go of the belief that you are destined for challenging relationships and embrace the notion that you are deserving of a fulfilling and loving partnership.
This is not to say one must let, all guard down — not at all. It just means while you wait or search, be positive, confident and open to love, and open to happiness in all areas of life.
Know what you want, and if you find it, don’t then start tearing it apart, and then wonder why you are not making headway in relationship happiness.
In order to break free from this damaging cycle, self-examination is vital and deliberate commitment to abandoning self-sabotage. Confront the insecurities and explore your motivations for choosing difficult relationships.
Recognising the patterns and their root causes is a key step toward embracing change. It requires an honest evaluation of one’s values, expectations, and personal boundaries. Understanding the underlying reasons that drive one to gravitate towards challenging partnerships empowers individuals to make conscious choices that align with one’s true desires and needs.
Allow yourself to be happy, receive the love and be willing and open to reciprocate love.
For those truly seeking love and a divinely intended partner, I’ve seen that the path toward happiness also involves prayer, reading the Word of God for deeper personal revelation, and allowing themselves to be happy without feeling guilty or eagerly creating unnecessary “hard work” in a relationship.
Breaking away from the cycle of self-sabotage requires a shift in mindset. Sure, we’ve often heard and even said that relationships take hard work, but hard work doesn’t mean struggling, plus this work applies when there’s something that needs working on.
There are times when all is actually well, but some can’t just enjoy even a little — one eye is always open,looking for a catch where it doesn’t exist.
Society often portrays successful relationships as requiring substantial effort and work all the time. But for those who suffer from a fear of happiness, one has to draw the line somewhere, as you’ll find that there is no need to fix something that is not broken.
While it is true that relationships demand effort and commitment, this does not mean that individuals should seek out difficult partners from the start. In fact, healthy relationships should naturally flourish without constant struggles and hardships. By consciously choosing partners who add joy and peace to their lives, individuals can actually create an environment conducive to growth, love, and happiness. It is possible.
In addition to self-reflection, individuals should prioritise turning to their faith for guidance and revelation. Prayer,which I mentioned earlier, is a powerful tool that allows for introspection and opens the doors to personal growth.
Seeking guidance from a higher power can provide clarity about the types of relationships that are in line with their true purpose and happiness.
Additionally, reading the word of God can offer valuable insights into how love and relationships are meant to be, free from unnecessary hardships and suffering. The scriptures can illuminate the path toward healthier connections and remind individuals of their inherent worthiness of love and happiness. So much share, but will leave it here for this week.
Let’s keep the conversation going on other platforms.
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