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Brian Matsaira
A BLIND relationship is one in which the couple is not sure if there is a future.
Both partners decide to stay in the relationship, but neither can tell if it will work or not. There are no concrete plans. Everything is left to chance and/or luck.
Typical questions that come to the fore include: “Are we going anywhere?”, “Will this relationship work?” and “What are we?” just to mention a few.
When you get into a relationship, it is always good to ask and to know about the intentions of the person you are dating.
Get to know if you are on the same page.
Some people might express their love, but they just do not want to get married, or they are just not thinking about it as a short-term goal.
Maybe you want marriage, but you are dating someone who makes you wonder where your relationship is going.
Usually, relationships that make people wonder do not last; they have a way of expiring after a certain time. A person who is genuinely in love does not hide information, and does not keep his or her lover in the dark.
Uncertainty happens when one partner is not sure, or is just playing.
Is this person going to marry you or not? You might be the one going around telling everyone, “I want to get married… I love this person… I think we are getting married this year.” Are you on the same page? If so, how do you know?
In life, clarity is one of the most important things you should pursue. Do not leave anything to chance.
Why should you always be the one guessing, when the other person knows exactly what is happening, and what is going to happen?
Some people avoid serious conversations; they would rather talk about soccer, or movies, but never about important matters in their relationship.
For the sake of our short lives, we need to consider if we are wasting time or not, and if we are with the right people.
There is always someone out there who can perfectly fit into your plans.
Never be afraid to move on if you realise that you and your partner are not on the same page. It is better get clarity sooner than later.
Some people do not mind being dragged along, they see all the signs but they keep blind faith. They just want to hold on.
They have put themselves in a hopeless situation, because they start thinking about the time they had spent, and the resources they have used. They are afraid to start again, to move on.
Never put yourself in a place of uncertainty. How did you get there? And why should you continue moving in that direction?
There is need to sit down and ask these questions: “Why am I in this relationship?” “Am I achieving my goals in this relationship?
It took a woman who identified herself only as Rutendo three years to know that she was in the wrong relationship. The relationship just went on. Her boyfriend talked about marriage, but he was not doing anything about ‘lobola’.
He was not saving any money; he did not want to meet her relatives, and he did not want to give definite dates to show that he wanted to marry her.
She finally ended the relationship, which she now describes as “time-consuming”. She moved with a man who knew what he wanted in life.
The new guy spoke about marriage, and he would back his talk with actions. After one year of dating, he married her. She told me that she was married four years ago, and the boyfriend whom she left is still single.
Rutendo thinks she would still be single today if she had waited for him. Some people are time wasters.
Ask your lover the hard questions.
Ask questions like: Where are we going with this relationship? What are your plans with me? Do you see us getting married? We have been dating for such a time, isn’t this the right time for us to get married?
Do not be afraid to ask these questions. I hear women saying, “you can’t ask a man about marriage.” The fact that you are in a relationship with him means you should ask, because whatever he does will affect you.
What if he drags you forever? Maybe you would have moved on had you known that he had no future plans with you.
Women must get clarity, and make their decisions based on it. If a man promises marriage, there must be actions that come with it.
*Brian Matsaira is a love and relationships coach. He can be contacted on 0773383687 or email: [email protected]
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