Online Reporter
Dear Tete Joyie:
I am in a relationship with a lady aged 23 and I am 30. My girlfriend is not appreciative. I try by all means to show her acts of love, but she still complains how best can I make her appreciate.
Tete Joyie Says:
It sounds like you are putting in effort to show love, but feeling frustrated that it is not being recognised. That is a tough spot to be in, and it is more common than you might think. Relationships often stumble when partners have different ways of expressing and receiving love.
Why she might not feel appreciative
Love languages: You may be showing love in ways that matter to you (like gifts or acts of service), but her primary love language could be different (like words of affirmation or quality time).
Expectations: If she has a picture in her mind of what appreciation looks like, your efforts may not match that image.
Communication gaps: Sometimes, partners don’t clearly express what they need, which leads to misunderstandings.
Personal stress: Her lack of appreciation may not be about you at all it could be influenced by outside pressures.
What you can try
Ask directly: “What makes you feel most loved or appreciated?” This opens the door for her to share specifics.
Observe patterns: Notice what she responds positively to. Does she light up when you compliment her, or when you spend uninterrupted time together?
Express your feelings: Share how her lack of appreciation makes you feel, without blame. For example: “I sometimes feel discouraged when my efforts don’t seem to matter.”
Balance effort: Love should feel mutual. If you are always giving and she’s always criticising, that imbalance needs addressing.
A thought to keep in mind
Appreciation is a two-way street. You can adjust how you show love, but she also has to meet you halfway by recognising your efforts. If she consistently dismisses what you do, it may be worth reflecting on whether the relationship dynamic is healthy for you.
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‘She’s married now, yet I can’t let go’
Dear Tete Joyie:
I am a man aged 52 and I was in a relationship with a beautiful gentle woman. Ten years ago we broke up because of distance and now I am back in the country, and I seem not to forget about her at all. The unfortunate part is that she is now married, but I just wish she will come back to me.
Tete Joyie Says:
That is a very heartfelt situation. It is clear this woman meant a lot to you, and those feelings have not faded even after a decade. But the fact that she is now married changes the dynamic completely. It means she has made a commitment to someone else, and pursuing her would risk causing pain to her, her spouse, and yourself.
Why you are struggling to let go
Unresolved feelings: Distance ended things, not a lack of love, so your mind still sees the relationship as “unfinished.”
Nostalgia: We often idealise past relationships, remembering the good and forgetting the challenges.
Attachment: Emotional bonds can remain strong even after years apart, especially if they were never fully replaced.
What you can do
Accept her reality: She has chosen a life with someone else. Respecting that is essential, even if it hurts.
Redirect your energy: Instead of wishing for her return, focus on building new connections or deepening existing ones.
Reflect on your needs: Ask yourself what you truly miss is it her specifically, or the feeling of being loved and understood?
Seek closure: Sometimes writing down your thoughts or even a letter you never send can help release lingering emotions.
A gentle perspective
Love from the past can feel powerful, but holding onto it when circumstances have changed can keep you stuck.
The healthiest path forward is to honour what you shared, but also allow yourself to open up to new possibilities.
You deserve a relationship where your love can be fully reciprocated in the present.
If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself in, WhatsApp 0716069196, and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember, all those who write in remain anonymous
