adminTatenda Makombe With Children in Mind
Child abuse is not only bruises and broken bones. While physical abuse might be the most visible, other types of abuse, such as neglect and verbal abuse, also leave deep, lasting scars. The occasional angry outburst is not necessarily verbal abuse. Anger may be justified; it may be a warning signal. It may point to a problem. Sometimes it signals problems that need to be solved. Sometimes it points to boundaries that need to be set. It may simply be the result of a bad day.
Verbal abuse is the consistent demeaning of another. It may in fact take the form of angry outbursts. On the other hand it may take the form of cold, calculating, consistent put-downs. It may even take the form of disparaging humor. Verbal abuse can be described as a negative defining statement told to the victim or about the victim, or by withholding any response, thereby defining the target as non-existent.
Verbal abuse is the most common form of abuse. Children may suffer verbal abuse at home and away from home. At home children can be verbally abused by their parents or guardians. Verbally abusive parents say things like “You’re the reason this family is such a mess.” “If I didn’t have to take care of you, I could have a better life.” “If you weren’t so clumsy, your sister wouldn’t have gotten hurt.” The child will think he’s a bad person who deserves to be unhappy.
At school children can suffer verbal abuse from their teachers and peers who bully them, bullies abuse their peers by calling them names.
It is sad to note that children are not protected from verbal abuse. In most cases the people who are supposed to protect them are the ones who inflict the abuse on them.
The signs of verbal abuse are harder to recognize and prove than signs of physical abuse and sexual abuse. Verbal abuse can cause emotional trauma that result in long lasting harm.
In my conversation with a teacher from a school in Manicaland, I learnt that a verbally abused child can develop an antisocial behaviour. She said that verbally abused children demonstrated higher rates of physical aggression, delinquency, and interpersonal problems. Frequently quarrel with his or her classmates.
She went on to say verbally abused children develop a negative self-image of themselves. You might hear a child say things like, “I’m stupid,” or “Nobody likes me.” Or he may simply seem withdrawn, sullen, or depressed, all of which can be signs of a low self-image. Verbal abuse attacks a child’s sense of self-worth.
In the same conversation with this teacher, she highlighted that verbally abused children suffer delayed development. She said the slowdown may appear in the child’s physical, social, academic, or emotional development. The child may have difficulty making friends, fall behind in school meaning the child’s grades will be affected something no parent, guardian or even teacher will want for their child.
Verbal abuse also affects a child’s confidence. I was fortunate enough to come across a young lady who was verbally abused by her guardian when she was in high school.
She said: “I was surprised when I went to collect a recommendation letter from my former school when the school head told me that I was timid.”
Because of the verbal abuse this lady went through she didn’t have the courage to try out on anything. According to her when she was at school, she just stuck to the status quo. Maybe she was talented in a certain area and did not get positive affirmation and she missed out on a lifetime opportunity.
Most of us are familiar with the adage, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Yet words (abusive ones) do hurt — especially coming from a parent, a guardian, a teacher, or coach.
Parents, guardians, teachers in moments of stress and anger, try to refrain from saying anything mean or sarcastic to children. Remember, you’re his or her main and most important role model. Stop verbal abuse.
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